it wasn't because i didn't know enough - i just knew too much. does that make me crazy?

I officially lost it last night. I mean mind-blowing, near utter-destruction, get-the-hell-out-of-my-way, Grade A melt down. Why, you ask? I'm still not sure. All I know is it all started yesterday with trying on dresses at the mall for a charity dinner tonight... and as is the constant plight of the perpetually big-boned, absolutely NOTHING fit. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing... 6 different sizes and 5 different stores later, all I felt was fat, frustrated, and like I've made absolutely no progress at all in the last 2 months. "Who do you, who do you think you are? Ha ha ha, bless your soul... You really think you're in control?"

And for any of you that have been following- you know that though the days, miles and fundraising left numbers have all gone down, the weight section has been utterly stagnant for the last month. And I've heard it all - you're gaining muscle & that weighs more, your body's getting used to this new schedule, maybe you're eating more now that you're training & burning faster - well I'm calling bullshit. The numbers just don't add up.  I've spent my ENTIRE life looking at the numbers on a scale and judging my worth by where the red hand finally falls. Someone recently told me "maybe it's time you start judging yourself on other numbers... like minutes you can run without stopping, pounds you can lift at the gym, miles you have clocked on your bike..."   I don't know. Maybe he's right. 
 

Today's Jam: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley (St. Elsewehere, 2006)

Tri this Emotion: Frustrated as all get out

Special Props Go Out To: The grand Czarina for her donation & all my lovelies who read my crazy thoughts on here.

The Be-All End-All Attitude: If it was supposed to be easy, everyone would do it.